General, Humor, Politics, Social

Politics for Dummies: Political Humour-not to be taken seriously

Strawberry Beef Season
Coming to a grocer near you…”Strawberry-infused Beef”.

Two Cows

DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. ……. So?

SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. So what if the 99% is too poor to do likewise, at least I have mine!

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and yet produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on un-believably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don’t know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creatures’ private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production, but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish. The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal.


11 thoughts on “Politics for Dummies: Political Humour-not to be taken seriously”

    1. Sure! Enjoy it! You can use anything on my website. I don’t believe in owning anything in cyberspace…it belongs to the masses. Live long and prosper.

  1. i looked up cows for some unknowen reason and i clicked on this because i thought it was a real but i read the post and found it good! At first i thought it was a joke but i guess not. im from nz! whoop

    1. Kia Ora, Melza!

      I lived in NZ for 9 years and may return sometime after the first of the year. I was living in Manukau, but will probably settle in Grey Lynn or Ponsonby when I return. I’m working in Tampa, Florida right now. I definitely appreciate Kiwis much more after being with my fellow Americans this whole past year.

      Cheers and thanks for the compliment,

      Shotgun Stevens (formerly of Howick Village Radio 88.1FM – Howick, New Zealand)

  2. Hi Missi!

    I’m pleased you dug this piecei! I first posted it because a good friend of mine in New Zealand asked me about the different political systems and since she’s a huge fan of the bovine, I decided to add a cow element to keep her interested, since politics can be a pretty boring process even at the best of times. I liken politics to Shakespeare plays. Having a bit of experience at both, I can tell you that they can both be boring unless you are personally involved in some manner.



    PS. May the remainder of 2011 be your best year thus far.
    PS. Please feel to write in anytime!

  3. Very funny, and that’s the hugest comment ever coming from me, as I loathe politics.
    The Japanese and Russian are the best ones. 🙂

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